Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
