guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
