You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
