Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
