Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
