I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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