does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize