Can Purell be used as lube?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
