all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
