So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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