if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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