I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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