So drunk its hurt
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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