I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
