I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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