Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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