We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I need to wash the frat house off of me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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