My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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