the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
