9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
