you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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