But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
