ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
