Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
