and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
