The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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