It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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