a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
