well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
