This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
