I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
