i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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