I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
