He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
