just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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