it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize