Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
