i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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