eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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