you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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