I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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