Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize