When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize