Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
