Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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