Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
