dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
