well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
