Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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