Are we in a gay sports bar?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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