Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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