Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
