My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
