found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
