Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
