I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
God, I missed his penis.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
