Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
