Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
