It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
