watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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