Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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