I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
