so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
